family and shit
Dec. 18th, 2008 11:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nathaliaAlmost done. One more test, a few more hours of class tomorrow and then I get a well-deserved break to write, study, and prepare for next year with even more school stuff going on. I'd like not to think about it though, pretend it's not happening for a few days.
Today I spent some incredible time with AC and it made me so happy. We talked about movies, about some of my friends and so much more. When I told her there was nothing I would like less than having her around during my finals, for the first time telling her my reasoning for not wanting her around and I hope she understood. I will make it clear again if I need to. I said it once, so saying it a few more times won't be such a problem. The first time is when it's really hard. I'm writing diary entries as if in dialogue with her that I mihgt post someday in the future because they aren't personal. Not anymore.
I'm writing about it a lot and it's getting easier although I never stop thinking about how I'd prefer her far away from here. J and I have decided on what we want to get done in January (it's basically my design, so I'm fine with it and we're incorporating the most important man of our lives into it which makes it even betterbecause it would be shitty to just leave him out. He is so important, such a part of my life and I love him although I don't think I'll ever be able to show him how much I actually care about him because of his twisted point of view. I can see he is hurting but he can't talk about it and I wish he would. I wish he'd vent and let me listen to him because my chances of getting through to him are better than most others I suppose.
Today I spent some incredible time with AC and it made me so happy. We talked about movies, about some of my friends and so much more. When I told her there was nothing I would like less than having her around during my finals, for the first time telling her my reasoning for not wanting her around and I hope she understood. I will make it clear again if I need to. I said it once, so saying it a few more times won't be such a problem. The first time is when it's really hard. I'm writing diary entries as if in dialogue with her that I mihgt post someday in the future because they aren't personal. Not anymore.
I'm writing about it a lot and it's getting easier although I never stop thinking about how I'd prefer her far away from here. J and I have decided on what we want to get done in January (it's basically my design, so I'm fine with it and we're incorporating the most important man of our lives into it which makes it even betterbecause it would be shitty to just leave him out. He is so important, such a part of my life and I love him although I don't think I'll ever be able to show him how much I actually care about him because of his twisted point of view. I can see he is hurting but he can't talk about it and I wish he would. I wish he'd vent and let me listen to him because my chances of getting through to him are better than most others I suppose.
