(no subject)

[nathalia]

So, after the fun evening with Justin the other night, I felt the need to go talk to Proloke about breaking up because it wasn't working and it felt like I was retreading ground with the whole "with one guy who doesn't completely satisfy me" thing. So I used exactly the same line I tried on Matze to break up with Matt: I told him I wanted to see other people.

There was no crying and pleading and ignoring me the way Matze had. Instead, we had a productive conversation about it. I should have said "I want to see other people instead of you." The conversation was like nothing I'd ever had before. He told me that I could do whatever I wanted to and there was no need to ask him for permission. In theory, he has the same privileges but he hasn't made any use of them.

Matt knows about Justin. We've talked about it. It's an interesting development. I'm kind of weirded out by some of it but it makes me make way more of an effort to communicate because I feel like if I don't, especially Matt will think I'm talking to Justin over him. It wat as weird but then I got used to it. Most of the time, it's really fun. Although I have these two scars on my thigh from Justin's dragontail. No, that's not a weird euphemism. (They will fade.)

I wish I had another year because I'd love to see where this goes. Mostly the Justin part. That has potential. I just have so, so, so many reasons to stay and it's upsetting to be leaving.

Yesterday, when I was sad, I texted Matt and he tried to take my mind off the sadness all evening and it was so sweet and cute. And I could have a completely different conversation about dogs with Justin because he had no idea I was sad. That's a pro of two boys. There are a lot of cons, of course, mostly that it takes way more work because it requires twice the energy . But hey, only two more weeks anyway :( Too bad / that they are both great, awesome guys.

Comments

[theoryoferin.livejournal.com]

dating two guys at once is exhausting. more power to you for doing it!

[nathskywalker.livejournal.com]

I don't see either of them a lot (usually about once a week) because of schedules and stuff. I thought it would be the strangest, unhealthiest arrangement but it works surprisingly well, maybe because it's low-stakes and all of it developed from play partnerships (one is, strictly speaking, still in the realm of play). I'd say that it's something I'd be willing to try again but realistically, probably not.