nathalia | Entries tagged with brasil

A strange passion, lust, platonic love ... I don't know how the fuck you can possibly feel passionate and lust after a person you only love in a platonic sense but hell, if I knew, it wouldn't make me this crazy.

I hate how he fucks with my mind. But I hate the fact that he hasn't fucked with my mind for quite some time even more. I love how he fucks with my mind in a way. I feel very ambigious towards him, it's difficult do describe, I don't think I can.

I wish I'd get an opportunity to talk to him again soon, I'd really love to. It's been so long since we last talked and he makes me laugh as I has to find now reading transcripts of our chats back in February that I found in my google documents. That guy makes me crazy. I know for sure that I am not in love with him, never have been, never will be, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. He is the cutest asshole I know, maybe because he isn't an asshole with me and just with others. If I could only find him online, talk to him. There is so much to talk about.

I remember how back in February he managed to interrupt me watching "Flashes Before Your Eyes" and then I was watching another episode of Lost, an older one I think on the computer a few days later and who signed on and interrupted me? - Yes, the answer is obvious.

Reading the transcripts, I remember how I wanted to go to Fortaleza in December this year, spend New Year's Eve there. We wanted to meet again, he begged me to tell him I'd be coming to Fortaleza on New Year's Eve, I told him I couldn't garantee anything. I am not going, I know this. But Hell, I'd love to see him again, to talk to him, see that funny face, feel his touch, drink and laugh with him.

He was one of the factors that made me undergo several changes, I can't deny that. Whisky... The brand I first drank with him is still my favorite. The jokes about blond men with long hair. It was all so different in Fortaleza, I didn't care about what happened, I wasn't prepared for anything, up to almost everything.

New Year's Eve. My white dress. Spotted with blood. The way I tied it to hide the stains of blood, my feet, bleeding on the sandals after I stepped into a piece of glass. How we danced in that tent. How I didn't get tired. The red nose. The waiter telling him he needed to put on a shirt to enter the breakfast lounge while I entered barefoot. How I kissed men in front of him. How we danced, him pressing me to his bare chest. How he stepped in when this guy didn't understand that I didn't want him. How we walked around and ended up losing everyone. The bottles of whisky all over the place. The bottles of champagne. Me not wanting to leave while he was tired. Me begging to stay till the band stopped playing. Him grabing my hand and pulling me along through the crowd and away from the band. How I startled him knowing the lyrics to a song he'd never heard before. The two of us dancing. Walking along that terribly decorated corridor in silence. How he had his white tunic slung over his shoulder. Him telling me that I should stick with him, that I wouldn't find my sister and cousin. How I walked away from him. The decision not to kiss him although I wanted to because I didn't want him to be just another one on the list of men I kissed on New Year's Eve. The shameless flirting. The clown. Him telling me that some girl had come up to him and kissed him and that he hadn't wanted her to. The two of us hanging out together. Me realizing that they hadn't only had served booze but also food. Me talking to the guy in the pink shirt at breakfast. The way his friends looked at us when we came into the breakfast lounge. How I wondered if every guy in Brazil thought that dancing included trying to push their leg between the girl's legs as often as possible. How foolish I felt when I realized I had ruined things by kissing another man with him watching. The memory that he had a girlfriend returning to my mind. How I couldn't have cared less about it. My cousin asking me at 12am if I wanted to leave backstage and look for "the boys". The laughter when we found out that we had tables right next to each other. And then there were only the two of us. How I felt closer to him only dancing pressed to his bare torso than to any other guy I had made out with before on that party. Him with the wig. The way nobody but me noticed the stains on my dress. Me holding my sandals in my hands. How little I drank. How alive I felt. Taking a whisky bottle from a random guy's hand, and downing a good quantity of it only to spit some of it in his face when he thought that me stealing his whisky meant he could kiss me. The guy who wanted me to stay with him and thought I came from Florianopolis. Daniel. These words about my looks. How I had no idea who I was kissing and only realized it on Carnaval. Romero totally drunk. The shirt Romero wore that made him look like a cloud. Walking into the guys by accident. Losing the girls. Finding company I would remain in till I was forced to leave. Singing. Yelling. Kissing. THe faces I forgot. Him standing up for me. The guy that cried. How we later saw the crying guy who had calmed down again and he stopped to ask him if he was okay. Sleeping in the single bed instead of the king-size bed with the other girls. Being sad / shocked when I saw the blood on my dress. The dress itself. How he told me he liked it. My hand in his. How he always called my by my full name and the fun ring it had to it. His shoes I can't recall. His tunic. Laughter. Punching a guy. His reaction to it, the shock on his face. How I laughed about that and he gathered me into his arms to dance. How he didn't try to find me any man with long blond hair. Me not understanding why I was kissing this random guy with him standing next to me. His way to hold me in his arms when we danced, tightly. How I was convinced I knew the members of the band playing and tried to name each of them. How the lead singer was hot. The faces I forgot. Not caring about anything. My hair. My sister phoning her boyfriend and cheating on him shortly afterwards. Him stroking my hair. Leaning on him. Keeping an eye on the band while we danced. Thinking I'd have no voice by the next day. The invitation to stay in his room as I had no way to get into mine and how I declined it. The tall guy. The orange shirt. The vodka orange juice mix tasting bad. Asking for a shot of whisky backstage while the others went with champagne. All these little details I could go on listing forever. My cousin's dress. The way it kept opening at her neck, the only part it was attached at. The white top she was wearing underneath. The bra I was not wearing. The blood. The silver flatheel sandals. All these people dressed in white. The back of his neck. Not being able to stop smiling. Romero giving himself and Clara a champagne shower. The utter happiness I experienced. Discovering what had happened to my sister. Asking the guy in the pink shirt if he had hooked up with my cousin. Not being sure if my sister was with Rodrigo or Rafael. Thiago who told me he was spelt with h. Rodrigo's beautiful green eyes. The guy with the digital camera who kept telling people to pour champagne over it. A fun story Rodrigo told us about that guy. The fact that the camera was a business gift from Japan and water-resistant. Someone remarking I had seemed to be glued to someone. The words Daniel said. Being the first to leave the breakfast lounge. My watch being on German time. Stopping to care about where the girls were. Looking for them backstage. The white hairband around my wrist. Using it to tie my dress in a way as to hide the blood stains. The white dress and the red nose. Red on white.

Memories ... just some things I remember about the concert, how each of them makes me smile even now. How I wish I could relive it.

Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: Iron & Wine - "The Trapeze Swinger"

OMFG! That is soooo cool. Not only that Nick Fury will be in "Iron Man" but also that Samuel L. Jackson is playing him because this is such a cool homage and kind of like full circle as Ultimate Fury was based on Jackson who is now taking over the part of Fury in a movie and I hope there will be a spin-off with him. I love Ultimate Fury, I think I like him better than 616 Fury who has been gone since Secret War ... This movie is going to be so awesome.

Picture of Jackson as Nick Fury. Looks slightly strange, but I don't care, it's nothing but a promo pic.

Heute war irgendwie so ein Tag, an dem man nicht wirklich was machen will. Ich bin ewig im Bett gelegen und habe gelesen und geschrieben und erst aufgestanden als es Zeit zum Mittagessen war.

Nach dem Mittagessen habe ich mich sehr intensiv mit meinem Bett beschaeftigt, denn ich gehoere zu den wenigen Deutschen in Chile, die ihr Bett nicht frisch bezogen bekommen, sondern es selber machen muessen. Es ist bei den tausend Wolldecken gar nicht so einfach, ich musste Danis Bett genauer untersuchen, um es bei mir mehr oder weniger gut hinzubekommen.

Kaum war ich fertig, da hat Anna mich angeklingelt, damit ich runterkomme, weil wir zu den Duenen bei Concon fahren wollten. Es waren nur Anna, Niklas, Roberto und ich und das Besteigen der Duenen hat meinem Knie nicht sonderlich gut getan.

Danach waren wir Empanadas bei Las Deliciosas essen. Ich habe ywei empanadas de queso gegessen und ich bin immernoch der Meinung, dass es nichts Besseres als eine gute empanada de queso gibt. Die ziehe ich allen anderen vor, auch wenn sie eher schlicht ist.

Wir haben uns nicht besonders viel unterhalten, es war merkwuerdig still, nur Roberto hat immer wieder was erzaehlt.

Auf dem Rueckweg hat Niklas dann die Idee gehabt, dass wir uns Filme ausleihen und anschauen koennten. Wir haben sie dann auch ausgeliehen, aber mit dem Anschauen ist es nichts geworden, weil die Sondereggers keinen DVD-Player haben und Niklas' Computer die DVD nicht lesen konnte, ich also nichtmal den Regionscode umstellen konnte. Jetzt sind die Filme bei mir und wir schauen sie uns morgen an. Wir haben "Babel", "Proof" und "Mr and Mrs Smith" ausgeliehen. Ich habe ja statt "Mr and Mrs Smith" "Crash" gewollt, aber ich habe ihn erst gefunden als wir schon am Gehen waren, weswegen es diesmal ncihts damit geworden ist. Naechstes Mal vielleicht. Niklas und ich wollen ja "Flight Plan" anschauen und da koennen wir dann auch noch "Crash" ausleihen, wahrscheinlich wenn Anna weg ist, weil es sonst knapp wird.

Der Tag war eher ein Lueckenfueller. Es ist nichts passiert, wir haben nicht mal viel geredet, es war einfach nur alles ... komisch irgendwie. Es war schon schoen was zu dritt zu machen, aber irgendwie war das Programm einfach nicht sehr spannend und wir waren alle eher faul und ein wenig muede vom Vortag.

Auf dem Weg nach Hause habe ich mich dann auch noch mit Anna ueber Johann unterhalten und sie hat gemeint, dass das Angebot bei ihm zu uebernachten ja nicht so schlimm war, weil er ja wenigstens gut aussieht und auch nett ist. Nur hat es sich falsch angefuehlt, wenn ich zu ihm gegangen waere, denn wenn ich bei jemandem uebernachtet haette, dann bei Klaus und Niklas, und es hat mich an die ganze Sache mit Junior erinnert, auch wenn mir das erst heute aufgefallen ist als ich mit Anna geredet habe.

Auf jeden Fall bin ich der Meinung, dass man diesen Johann ja mal besser kennenlernen kann. Er wollte ja gestern wissen, ob ich einen Freund habe und war ganz erstaunt als ich gesagt habe, dass ich "sou solteira como a musica, "Solteiro em Salvador".", weil wir davor eine Diskussion darueber hatten, ob Rio schoen ist, was ich nicht finde, ich habe mehrfach gesagt, dass Salvador die schoenste Stadt Brasiliens ist. Aber das hat ja niemand mitbekommen, weil wir da portugiesisch geredet haben.

Long time no see.
And then there are people who say I am addicted to LJ which I admit I am, but I spent a few days without posting. The game my cousins play, Dragon Fable, is quite cool. It's very simplistic, but I enjoy it a lot. And I am not ashamed of playing the game. It's fun.
I've been doing very little for Script Frenzy, yet I am at about 7506 words with I can't really explain myself as there was one day when I didn't write anything at all and I am not doing very much for it.
I'm finally done watching the third season of Lost and I am totally blown away by it because it is so awesome. I might comment on it later, I am still shell-shocked two dazs after seeing "Greatest Hits" and "Through A Looking Glass". Awesome.
I'm done with making the 50 Wisdom & Pryde icons I promised my dear friend alilein, but I'm not sure when I'll upload them. First, I have to upload my 50 Joker icons and the other stuff I have and then Wisdom and Pryde.
My sister and I are arguing via MSN to see when we are going to Subway to get a sandwich. I want to go at 7pm, preferably later, she wants to go at 5:30pm. And we had a huge lunch at Boi Preto today.
Today, I was in my uncle's office and he has a full bottle of JWRL in it which astonished me. And no, I didn't run to it and kiss it or anything like this. I acted as if I hadn't even noticed.
We might be going to Sabackolandia tomorrow. Nicole's parents boughta a house and dubbed it Sabackolandia and her dad wants us to come and visit him. So, I'm not sure if we're doing it, but if we do, it'll be fun, I'm sure.
And stay put, I might post a small extract from my Script Frenzy project.

Yesterday, we (Casinha, Jul and I) met Fernando and Mariana at about 10:30pm and went to Acqua, a small bistro near the ocean because they wanted to pre-celebrate my birthday. I almost died when Mariana managed to get a cupcake-like thing with a candle on it and they sung annoying Happy Birthday songs. I HATE birthday songs and stuff.
Today we had a family lunch at a fish restaurant that was pretty okay because unlike yesterday I was allowed to wear what I wanted. Because, damn it, who dresses up to go to a bistro on the ocean side? Well, my cousin does. And it was unacceptable that I just wear a top and my normal Converse. No, heels and something that looks totally overdressed for such an occasion.
Today I dressed the way I wanted to. Jeans, black Converse and a black off-shoulder top that exposed a lot of my back (I bought it at FCUK and it's an awesome top). Tonight, we're going to some bar, my cousin has already promised me that there I will be allowed to drink whisky. Yesterday she didn't want me to and I was forced to stick to Capriroska (Vodka and a fruit of choice). There's gonna be some life music and what not. And Dictator Clara has already decided on what I am going to wear.
Sunday we're going to hang out with Fernando and Mariana again, take a boat trip. Fernando told me he'd be getting me a bottle of Red Label as a birthday present for us to drink on the boat and of course I agreed to, because, honestly, have I ever said no when someone offered me whisky?
Nicole's father wants my sister and I to come to his house so I can drink whisky with him again, while we're at the subject. He told my cousin that he loved to see the sheer amount of whisky with little water added to it I can drink before any syptoms of drunkenness manifest themselves. And then there is of course the infamous story about the whisky and the olive and how stupid it is to spit the remains an olive into your whisky glass.
Enough about whisky.
My grandma is totally obsessed with Lost. She has seen the entire first season that is almost 18 hours long within three or four days.
Adhemarzinho and Rodrigo registered me on Dragonfable yesterday after I promised them I would play it. Now I'll try myself at it for a while and see if I enjoy it. It sounds a bit easy but it could be fun.
A list of presents might as well follow.

Morgen habe ich Geburtstag. Toll. Ich freue mich ja so sehr.
Es gibt Pläne, aus den Teen Titans einen Film zu machen. Klingt nicht schlecht. Hoffentlich mit Roy Harper als Arsenal und Dick Grayson als Nightwing und Donna Troy. Robin kann ja aus Marketinggründen wahrscheinlich nicht benutzt werden und Speedy ist einfach nur albern. Bei Donna darf halt nie erwähnt werden, dass sie was mit Wonder Woman zu tun hat (welche Art von Beziehung haben die beiden zur Zeit eigentlich? Schwestern? Klons? Donna als Diana aus einer anderen Dimension?). Ich hoffe, sie benutzen nicht die neueste Inkarnation der TTs. Marv Wolfman Ära der Teen Titans nach dem Judas' Contract. Das wäre gutes Material, denn die Titans wären dann nciht mehr von ihren Mentoren abhängig. Und ich würde das Teen aus dem Namen streichen, damit das Team nicht zu jugendlich / kindisch erscheint. Titans klingt besser.
Ich muss kurz was für meine Cousine holen und dann lese ich den Artikel. Mal sehen, welche Hoffnungen sich bewahrheiten. Hoffentlich viele. Ich werde Bericht erstatten.

It's 9am now and I have a brief recap of my day so far. I woke up and had already decided that today was gonna be the day that I was gonna watch "The Man Behind The Curtain". Of course, I couldn't because I needed an internet connection so iTunes would believe me that I have the rights to watch it which pissed me off. I tried at my aunt's house and didn't succeed, so I basically gave up and dropped by at my cousins' to see if they were still at home and hung out with them for about an hour, then I asked their mother if she maybe had a LAN cable I could try to use to connect my computer to the internet so I'd be able to open "The Man Behind The Curtain".
And I succeeded! Now, I'm going to take my computer to some quiet place like my grandma's house and watch the episode there without beind disturbed.
Of course, my original plan had been to start at 7am so I's be done by 9am, 9:30am tops. Well, I guess that won't work out. But at least now I know where I can find a working internet connection for my computer which is awesome.

I just finished watching "V for Vendetta".
Yes, I know I am very late, but I wanted to watch it after all the controversy about the movie died down and when I saw the oportunity to finally watch it, I decided that it was the right time and I was blown away by the movie. It is beautiful. I can't think of another word that fits it better.
What astonished me was of course that Alan Moore's name was not mentioned in the credits but I reckon that he didn't want to be associated with the movie because if I recall correctly he thought it deriviated too much from the source material. I don't know the source material, but now I want to read the graphic novel and I simply added it to my very short list of birthday wishes along with the movie because this is one of the films I think is worth owning.
Right now I'm making my wish list because people have been asking me what I want for my birthday and there are six items on it right now. I am looking up the prices as well in case people ask and because I think it's important to know how much something costs before you ask someone to give it to you as a gift. Right now, none of the things I looked up is over 20 Euro which I find very satisfactory. Well, I will continue to research and maybe post a full list when I'm done.
Oh yeah, Virginia bought me underwear! A red slip with a small WW insigmia on it and a picture of Diana on the other side. It looks totally awesome. Now I wish I had a t-shirt with the WW logo because it looks so cool that even Cassie is using it right now.

Bree once told Andrew that she was happy he hated her because at least that was a feeling and that that was better than indifference. I don't hate her, I feel indifferent about her. Which doesn't mean that I won't voice my opinion, I will. Whenever I feel like doing it.

Alsooooo ...
Bei uns zu Hause gibt es keine Din A4 Hefte. Oder doch, eins. Liniert mit Rand. Weiß jemand, wie das aussieht? Vollkommen unmöglich und unbenutzbar.
Aber ich dachte mir, das ist kein Problem. Ich kann die Hausaufgaben für Deutsch auf ein Blatt (in mein Notizbuch) machen und später irgendwie in mein Lesetagebuch kleben oder sonstwas.
Also wollte ich meine Hausaufgaben machen.
Problem: Ich kann nicht, weil mein Buch im Koffer ist und der noch nicht angekommen ist.
Der von meiner Mutter schon, nur meiner eben nicht und da ist das verdammte Buch drin. Als ob irgendjemand in Sao Paulo etwas damit anfangen könnte.
Ich wollte die Hausaufgabe machen, obwohl ich mich schon sosher mit der Beschreibung der Stadt auseinandergesetzt habe. Jetzt muss ich sie morgen in der Schule machen. Vielleicht in Spanisch oder Gemeinschaftskunde.

Current Mood: bitchy

Nath hat eine Austauschpartnerin in Chile!!
(und die erste email, die diese ihr geschickt hat, gelöscht, weil sie sie für spam hielt).
Die Email wurde aber gerettet und beantwortet.
Vanessa hat einen männlichen Austauschpartner namens Johann. Nicht so toll wie Franz Heinrich, aber auch schon nett.
Meine heisst Daniela und nennt sich scheinbar Dani, wenn man aus ihrem MSNNamen und fotolog Schlüsse ziehen darf.
und sie würde währned sie bei mir ist gerne Schlittschuh laufen gehen.
sie klingt sehr nett und ihr detusch ist auch irgendwie süss mit ganz vielen kleinen Fehlern.
und nein, ich war nicht unhöflich genug, um in der ersten Email zu erwähnen, dass ich zu Júnior kann, wenn es bei ihr langweilig wird. Ich habe auch nciht gefragt, was ihre Meinung über Whisky ist.
Sie soll mciht nciht unfreundlich finden.
Jetzt hab ich doch WHisky erwähnt.

On Sundaz, I was out with the boat with my uncle, his wife and kids, my mother and sister and a friend of the family and his kids. His kids are the cutest thing ever. They are as old as my cousins, 6 and 4 years old, and they are so, so cute. The girl, Malu, started calling me "auntie tata" on Saturday when we were playing in the pool. Not very funny.
I guess this is my way to start training for when Gabor, my first real nephew, is born.
My aunt's being stupid. She's smoking again because of this lung thing she has. She says that if she got it while she wasn't smoking, there's no need to not smoke. Yeah, idiotic. How can anyone be so stupid? I'm really annoyed by it.

my aunt's fever is worse than I thought. She is going completely crazy. she just showed up with a nightgown of hers she wants to give me. one of those that you can't really sleep in because although they are sexy, they are fucking uncomfortable. And a dressing robe matching it.
For when I sleep over at a friend's house. I told her that I just get dressed after getting up and won't roam around the house with such a thing.
Or when I sleep with my boyfriend. I pointed out that a) I don't have a boyfriend and b) if I should have one, I'm not going to undress to put on this nighty to undress again.
She'll keep it for me for when I need it. I don't think I will ever need it.

I've been in the sun yesterday and now I have a tan. Or I'm red. I haven't been able to figure that out yet.

I've started reading "American Psycho" which is somehow very disturbing.

We're going to Fortaleza on the long Easter weekend. I don't believe in Easter and have told everyone so. I still believe in the chocolate though;) I'm not sure this time around Fortaleza will be as awesome as last time because then we didn't have to worry about what we're allowed to do and what we shoudl refrain ourselves from because someone could see us. This time, there are thousands of relatives and dunno what. It was worse when we heard Casinha wouldn't be going but now she is going, so at least that. Jul and I on our own ... we would have been pretty fucked up.

We just came back from Bia's birthday. Bia is an adorable six-year old, a cute little thing. Casinha, Jul and I sat at a table with Bia's older cousin, Mariana, a friend of ours, and her boyfriend, Rafael, and talked. I looked longingly at the Red Label bottle but I didn't even consider drinking anything because there were too many people who knew my family, and, even worse, my uncles and their wives.

Rafa was telling us a story about Casinha getting very, very drunk in Interlagos when we noticed that our uncle was standing next to our table, listening. He didn't say a word, but it wasn't good timing. At least he didn't hear Jay's famous New Year's Eve story or Casinha telling Rafa about my favourite alcoholic beverage.

In the afternoon, we were driving to Bingha, the tatoo parlor, when Jul opened her purse and found the tickets we had thought to be lost which is why we couldn't take the flight today.

Ca wants to get a tatoo, but today, there was no time because we still had to go to Bia's birthday party, but she has decided she wants another tatoo. As I have said before, I don't want anything etched into my skin permanently, no matter how intriguing it might be to think about it. I got a navel piercing when I was thirteen and I don't regret it, but I know that if I take it out, there won't be any big damage and with a tatoo, it's quite different.

We might meet Fernando, I'm not sure, but Casinha said there is the possibility that he comes over or whatever to talk, he wants to be updated about what happened during Carnaval. He''ll hear about Victor, maybe Cai, probably Jul's story if Casinha decides to tell it.

I'm kind of tired, having been sick since Wednesday. I know the cold will be a lot worse when I arrive in Germany.