i <3 b

Feb. 2nd, 2008 12:27 pm
i really wanna hit d over the head with something really big and heavy. the oxford encyclopedia for example.
she has given up on headphones and is watching lost without them and as much as i love lost, i really don't want to listen to it right now.

i've got some writing i am goging to upload later today. it's something i wrote that is quite enjoyable imho and that fits in with misfits and cruel. i had planned to use it in cruel later on.

i was at ali's yesterday. didn't even tell d because i didn't feel like it. i'm kinda totally pissed off at her which isn't too difficult i guess. she gives me every reason to. today, we're gonna wax the floor, so i'll make her life hard with it and i hope for back-up by b.

i didn't watch the new episode of lost yet. I am totally anxious but at the same time i'm thinking, "i don't wanna know what's gonna happen" which really is a paradox.

vanessa gave me bad news yesterday. why did he of all people have to start reading my lj? i will not make everything friends only because most people i know and who read my lj every once in a while don't have an lj and i don't want them to be unable to read what i write. if only i could block some people like junior. omg, i hadn't thought about him. holy shit. i hope he didn't go that far back.

I watched the lost clipshow that was aired before 401 and it wasn't anything special. I don't care about clipshows to be honest. 

b is setting the table. i'll go help him. i think he has gotten over the awkwardness of seeing me in his shirt.

nostalgia

Nov. 11th, 2007 02:16 am
A strange passion, lust, platonic love ... I don't know how the fuck you can possibly feel passionate and lust after a person you only love in a platonic sense but hell, if I knew, it wouldn't make me this crazy.

I hate how he fucks with my mind. But I hate the fact that he hasn't fucked with my mind for quite some time even more. I love how he fucks with my mind in a way. I feel very ambigious towards him, it's difficult do describe, I don't think I can.

I wish I'd get an opportunity to talk to him again soon, I'd really love to. It's been so long since we last talked and he makes me laugh as I has to find now reading transcripts of our chats back in February that I found in my google documents. That guy makes me crazy. I know for sure that I am not in love with him, never have been, never will be, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. He is the cutest asshole I know, maybe because he isn't an asshole with me and just with others. If I could only find him online, talk to him. There is so much to talk about.

I remember how back in February he managed to interrupt me watching "Flashes Before Your Eyes" and then I was watching another episode of Lost, an older one I think on the computer a few days later and who signed on and interrupted me? - Yes, the answer is obvious.

Reading the transcripts, I remember how I wanted to go to Fortaleza in December this year, spend New Year's Eve there. We wanted to meet again, he begged me to tell him I'd be coming to Fortaleza on New Year's Eve, I told him I couldn't garantee anything. I am not going, I know this. But Hell, I'd love to see him again, to talk to him, see that funny face, feel his touch, drink and laugh with him.

He was one of the factors that made me undergo several changes, I can't deny that. Whisky... The brand I first drank with him is still my favorite. The jokes about blond men with long hair. It was all so different in Fortaleza, I didn't care about what happened, I wasn't prepared for anything, up to almost everything.

New Year's Eve. My white dress. Spotted with blood. The way I tied it to hide the stains of blood, my feet, bleeding on the sandals after I stepped into a piece of glass. How we danced in that tent. How I didn't get tired. The red nose. The waiter telling him he needed to put on a shirt to enter the breakfast lounge while I entered barefoot. How I kissed men in front of him. How we danced, him pressing me to his bare chest. How he stepped in when this guy didn't understand that I didn't want him. How we walked around and ended up losing everyone. The bottles of whisky all over the place. The bottles of champagne. Me not wanting to leave while he was tired. Me begging to stay till the band stopped playing. Him grabing my hand and pulling me along through the crowd and away from the band. How I startled him knowing the lyrics to a song he'd never heard before. The two of us dancing. Walking along that terribly decorated corridor in silence. How he had his white tunic slung over his shoulder. Him telling me that I should stick with him, that I wouldn't find my sister and cousin. How I walked away from him. The decision not to kiss him although I wanted to because I didn't want him to be just another one on the list of men I kissed on New Year's Eve. The shameless flirting. The clown. Him telling me that some girl had come up to him and kissed him and that he hadn't wanted her to. The two of us hanging out together. Me realizing that they hadn't only had served booze but also food. Me talking to the guy in the pink shirt at breakfast. The way his friends looked at us when we came into the breakfast lounge. How I wondered if every guy in Brazil thought that dancing included trying to push their leg between the girl's legs as often as possible. How foolish I felt when I realized I had ruined things by kissing another man with him watching. The memory that he had a girlfriend returning to my mind. How I couldn't have cared less about it. My cousin asking me at 12am if I wanted to leave backstage and look for "the boys". The laughter when we found out that we had tables right next to each other. And then there were only the two of us. How I felt closer to him only dancing pressed to his bare torso than to any other guy I had made out with before on that party. Him with the wig. The way nobody but me noticed the stains on my dress. Me holding my sandals in my hands. How little I drank. How alive I felt. Taking a whisky bottle from a random guy's hand, and downing a good quantity of it only to spit some of it in his face when he thought that me stealing his whisky meant he could kiss me. The guy who wanted me to stay with him and thought I came from Florianopolis. Daniel. These words about my looks. How I had no idea who I was kissing and only realized it on Carnaval. Romero totally drunk. The shirt Romero wore that made him look like a cloud. Walking into the guys by accident. Losing the girls. Finding company I would remain in till I was forced to leave. Singing. Yelling. Kissing. THe faces I forgot. Him standing up for me. The guy that cried. How we later saw the crying guy who had calmed down again and he stopped to ask him if he was okay. Sleeping in the single bed instead of the king-size bed with the other girls. Being sad / shocked when I saw the blood on my dress. The dress itself. How he told me he liked it. My hand in his. How he always called my by my full name and the fun ring it had to it. His shoes I can't recall. His tunic. Laughter. Punching a guy. His reaction to it, the shock on his face. How I laughed about that and he gathered me into his arms to dance. How he didn't try to find me any man with long blond hair. Me not understanding why I was kissing this random guy with him standing next to me. His way to hold me in his arms when we danced, tightly. How I was convinced I knew the members of the band playing and tried to name each of them. How the lead singer was hot. The faces I forgot. Not caring about anything. My hair. My sister phoning her boyfriend and cheating on him shortly afterwards. Him stroking my hair. Leaning on him. Keeping an eye on the band while we danced. Thinking I'd have no voice by the next day. The invitation to stay in his room as I had no way to get into mine and how I declined it. The tall guy. The orange shirt. The vodka orange juice mix tasting bad. Asking for a shot of whisky backstage while the others went with champagne. All these little details I could go on listing forever. My cousin's dress. The way it kept opening at her neck, the only part it was attached at. The white top she was wearing underneath. The bra I was not wearing. The blood. The silver flatheel sandals. All these people dressed in white. The back of his neck. Not being able to stop smiling. Romero giving himself and Clara a champagne shower. The utter happiness I experienced. Discovering what had happened to my sister. Asking the guy in the pink shirt if he had hooked up with my cousin. Not being sure if my sister was with Rodrigo or Rafael. Thiago who told me he was spelt with h. Rodrigo's beautiful green eyes. The guy with the digital camera who kept telling people to pour champagne over it. A fun story Rodrigo told us about that guy. The fact that the camera was a business gift from Japan and water-resistant. Someone remarking I had seemed to be glued to someone. The words Daniel said. Being the first to leave the breakfast lounge. My watch being on German time. Stopping to care about where the girls were. Looking for them backstage. The white hairband around my wrist. Using it to tie my dress in a way as to hide the blood stains. The white dress and the red nose. Red on white.

Memories ... just some things I remember about the concert, how each of them makes me smile even now. How I wish I could relive it.

08-12-07

Aug. 12th, 2007 10:20 pm
Heute war irgendwie so ein Tag, an dem man nicht wirklich was machen will. Ich bin ewig im Bett gelegen und habe gelesen und geschrieben und erst aufgestanden als es Zeit zum Mittagessen war.

Nach dem Mittagessen habe ich mich sehr intensiv mit meinem Bett beschaeftigt, denn ich gehoere zu den wenigen Deutschen in Chile, die ihr Bett nicht frisch bezogen bekommen, sondern es selber machen muessen. Es ist bei den tausend Wolldecken gar nicht so einfach, ich musste Danis Bett genauer untersuchen, um es bei mir mehr oder weniger gut hinzubekommen.

Kaum war ich fertig, da hat Anna mich angeklingelt, damit ich runterkomme, weil wir zu den Duenen bei Concon fahren wollten. Es waren nur Anna, Niklas, Roberto und ich und das Besteigen der Duenen hat meinem Knie nicht sonderlich gut getan.

Danach waren wir Empanadas bei Las Deliciosas essen. Ich habe ywei empanadas de queso gegessen und ich bin immernoch der Meinung, dass es nichts Besseres als eine gute empanada de queso gibt. Die ziehe ich allen anderen vor, auch wenn sie eher schlicht ist.

Wir haben uns nicht besonders viel unterhalten, es war merkwuerdig still, nur Roberto hat immer wieder was erzaehlt.

Auf dem Rueckweg hat Niklas dann die Idee gehabt, dass wir uns Filme ausleihen und anschauen koennten. Wir haben sie dann auch ausgeliehen, aber mit dem Anschauen ist es nichts geworden, weil die Sondereggers keinen DVD-Player haben und Niklas' Computer die DVD nicht lesen konnte, ich also nichtmal den Regionscode umstellen konnte. Jetzt sind die Filme bei mir und wir schauen sie uns morgen an. Wir haben "Babel", "Proof" und "Mr and Mrs Smith" ausgeliehen. Ich habe ja statt "Mr and Mrs Smith" "Crash" gewollt, aber ich habe ihn erst gefunden als wir schon am Gehen waren, weswegen es diesmal ncihts damit geworden ist. Naechstes Mal vielleicht. Niklas und ich wollen ja "Flight Plan" anschauen und da koennen wir dann auch noch "Crash" ausleihen, wahrscheinlich wenn Anna weg ist, weil es sonst knapp wird.

Der Tag war eher ein Lueckenfueller. Es ist nichts passiert, wir haben nicht mal viel geredet, es war einfach nur alles ... komisch irgendwie. Es war schon schoen was zu dritt zu machen, aber irgendwie war das Programm einfach nicht sehr spannend und wir waren alle eher faul und ein wenig muede vom Vortag.

Auf dem Weg nach Hause habe ich mich dann auch noch mit Anna ueber Johann unterhalten und sie hat gemeint, dass das Angebot bei ihm zu uebernachten ja nicht so schlimm war, weil er ja wenigstens gut aussieht und auch nett ist. Nur hat es sich falsch angefuehlt, wenn ich zu ihm gegangen waere, denn wenn ich bei jemandem uebernachtet haette, dann bei Klaus und Niklas, und es hat mich an die ganze Sache mit Junior erinnert, auch wenn mir das erst heute aufgefallen ist als ich mit Anna geredet habe.

Auf jeden Fall bin ich der Meinung, dass man diesen Johann ja mal besser kennenlernen kann. Er wollte ja gestern wissen, ob ich einen Freund habe und war ganz erstaunt als ich gesagt habe, dass ich "sou solteira como a musica, "Solteiro em Salvador".", weil wir davor eine Diskussion darueber hatten, ob Rio schoen ist, was ich nicht finde, ich habe mehrfach gesagt, dass Salvador die schoenste Stadt Brasiliens ist. Aber das hat ja niemand mitbekommen, weil wir da portugiesisch geredet haben.

08-11-07

Aug. 11th, 2007 12:01 am

Ich beginne erstmal mit einem Gestaendnis: Dieser Eintrag ist nicht wie angegeben am 11. August verfasst worden, sondern erst am Tag darauf, denn am 11. August hatte ich nicht die Moeglichkeit, irgendwas zu schreiben, weil ich den groessten Teil des Tages ausser Haus verbracht habe.

Ich bin gegen zehn Uhr aufgewacht, aber ich bin im Bett geblieben und habe mein Buch weitergelesen. Gegen Mittag kam eine SMS von Niklas ob ich mit nach Olmue will, also habe ich mich bei ihm mit ihm und Anna getroffen, wir haben versucht ein paar andere Leute zu erreichen, waren aber erfolglos und sind zu dritt nach Olmue gefahren, wo wir reiten waren und Empanadas gegessen haben.

Die Empanadas waren richtig gut, aber das Problem war so ein aelterer Kerl, der uns die ganze Zeit belaestigt hat. Ich bin ihm begegnet, als ich am Klo stand und habe behauptet, dass Niklas mein Freund ist, weil ich dachte, dass ich ihn so loswerde, aber es hat nicht geklappt. Er hat die ganze Zeit auf Anna, die laut ihm Niklas‘ Schwester war, und mich eingeredet und Niklas‘ boese Blicke und meine sehr unfreundlichen Kommentare haben auch nicht geholfen.

Niklas hat ihm die ganze Zeit gesagt er soll verschwinden und ich habe ihm gesagt, dass er alt und haesslich ist, aber es hat alles nichts gebracht und war einfach nur unangenehm. Er hat es auch nicht kapieren wollen, als ich ihm ganz dreist gesagt habe: „Él está intentando decir de forma educada que te vayas a la mierda.“

Niklas war RICHTIG wuetend, so habe ich ihn bisher nur einmal erlebt und da hat er sich ueber Anita Lobos aufgeregt, was auch verstaendlich war. Ich will nicht naeher auf die Sache eingehen, aber ich glaube jeder, der Niklas und Anita auch nur ansatzweise kennt, wuerde Niklas‘ Wut auf sie nachvollziehen koennen.

Wir sind danach zurueck nach Hause gefahren und waren an der Fería, wo ich Helias Geschenk gekauft habe, und Flo hat sich gemeldet und uns bzw. Anna auf seine Party um acht Uhr eingeladen. Das war um fuenf.

Wir haben Flo eine Flasche Pisco gekauft und sind zu Niklas gegangen, wo wir zufaelligerweise erfahren haben, dass Klaus spaeter am Abend eine Grillparty veranstalten wuerde.

Da hat sich dann die Frage gestellt, ob man lieber bei Niklas bleibt oder nach Concon faehrt, ohne genau zu wissen wo Flo wohnt. Anna hat Flo natuerlich nicht im Stich lassen koennen und war nur kurz auf der Grillparty bei Klaus bevor sie zu Flo gegangen ist.

Ich bin eher zufaellig mit einem Klassenkameraden von Klaus ins Gespraech gekommen und es hat sich rausgestellt, dass er nicht nur der dritte Johann ist, den ich kennenlerne seit ich in Chile bin, sondern auch noch ein Brasilianer, der vor vier Jahren mit seiner Familie nach Chile gezogen ist.

Das hat die Gespraechsrunde, die bis dahin zweisprachig war, ein wenig verwirrender gemacht, weil Johann links von mir sass und immer auf portugiesisch auf mich eingeredet hat und Niklas rechts von mir vollkommen von den anderen Gespraechen abgeschlossen war und ich ihn mit einbeziehen wollte, Johann also auf spanisch geantwortet habe, was Niklas natuerlich nicht soviel gebracht hat, weil er nur einen Teil der Unterhaltung verstanden hat und es nicht sehr einfach ist auf spanisch zu antworten, wenn jemand portugiesisch spricht.

Johann hat mir auch freundlicherweise erklaert, dass er kein so grosses Interesse daran hat, Niklas ins Gespraech mit einzubeziehen, weil er genug maennliche Freunde hat und viel lieber Maedchen kennenlernt, weil ein Mann nur einen einzigen guten Freund braucht. 

Irgendwann um halb zwei hat sich dann die Frage gestellt, wie ich denn nach Hause komme. Klaus hat mir angeboten, dass ich in seinem Zimmer schlafen koennte, wenn ich will, er wuerde die Nacht dann auf dem Sofa verbringen.

Johann wollte mich zum Plaza Miraflores begleiten und sollte keine Micro fahren, koennte ich auch bei ihm uebernachten, was mich jetzt nicht so begeistert hat, denn ich erinnere mich nur allzugut, was passiert ist, als ich die letzten Male das Angebot angenommen habe, bei einem Brasilianer zu schlafen.

Am Ende bin ich mit Barbarita und Ricardo mitgegangen, die nach Valparaiso zurueckmussten. Barbara ist einfach nur eine wunderbare Person, ich kann es nicht anders sagen. Ich habe mich die ganze Zeit ueber mit ihr unterhalten. Sie hat mir erzaehlt, wie entsetzt Niklas war als er sie besucht hat und die Drogen auf dem Tisch lagen und sie konnte Jacqueline sehr gut nachahmen, was ich sehr lustig fand.

Dani scheint nicht die bekannteste des Ruiz-Clans zu sein. Als ich gefragt wurde, bei welcher Chilenin ich denn bin und Daniela Ruiz geantwortet habe, konnten die meisten nicht soviel damit anfangen, bis einer der Jungs „Chikis Schwester“ gesagt hat. Da ist der Groschen dann bei allen gefallen. Barbara hat sich auch nach Natalia und Alejandro erkundigt.

Es war ein sehr lustiger Abend, auch wenn die Tatsache, dass Johann portugiesisch geredet hat, mich ein wenig aus dem Konzept gebracht hat, aber es gab sehr lustige Unterhaltungen mit ihm, Klaus und anderen Jungs, von denen ich die Namen jetzt nicht mehr alle weiss.

Cool war auch, dass wir gerade bei den Sondereggers angekommen sind und Roberto so nebenbei erwaehnt hat, dass Klaus ja heute eine Grillpartz veranstaltet und Niklas nichts davon wusste, wir drei (Niklas, Anna ich) laut Roberto aber eingeladen seien.

Und ich habe auch endlich mitbekommen, dass Klaus und Simona nicht mehr zusammen sind. Anscheinend schon seit Donnerstag nicht mehr. Diesmal hat Klaus Schluss gemacht und als er davon erzaehlt hat, war er sehr gelassen und nicht sonderlich traurig. Wenn ich mich an den Tag zurueckerinnere, an dem ich ihn kennengelernt habe ... da hatte Simona gerade mit ihm Schluss gemacht und er war am Boden zerstoert. Das war vor ein bisschen mehr als einem Monat und jetzt ist die ganze Sache schon wieder ganz anders.

Ich fand nur Annas Aktion ein bisschen schwachsinnig. Wenn man im Haus ist, in dem eine Grillpartz stattfinden wird, geht man doch nicht irgendwo nach Concon um auf eine andere Grillpartz zu gehen. Und ich meine, es ist nur Flo. Klar, Anna hat ein viel engeres Verhaeltnis zu Flo als ich oder auch Niklas, der ihn ja eigentlich nciht so toll findet, aber Anna hat seit der Nordenreise jetzt auch ncihts mehr mit Flo gemacht und die Ausrede, dass er ja seinen Geburtstag feiert ist nicht besonders gut.

So, I have an email by Junior in my inbox. It's the only one I haven't read yet, the other ones were already read and answered and now I am looking at the Marvel Newsletter very carefully something I usually never do, I just skim over it, but I don't want to open that e-mail.

I don't know why that is, I know that it is stupid and childish because I know that he is nothing but a guy I was with once and for whom I have never even had romantic feelings, just a very close friendship. But we haven't talked for months now which is why I wrote him an email asking if he was still alive and I got an answer and now I don't want to read it. How fucked up is that?

Gmail shows the first few words of every email you get, at least mine does, it probably depends on the settings, and what I can read of his is "ohhh nathalia tb estou morrendo de saudades de vc." ("Oh, Nathalia, I'm missing you very bad as well.") And when I look at these nine words, I can hear his voice in my head saying them because it sounds so much like something he would say.

God, how can a man confuse me so much? This doesn't mean too much as there have been / are / will be others, but Junior is just a special case for more than one reason. It felt right when I was with him and we only spent about a week together and still we established so much of a connection during this week.

There is this stupid thing, the fact that I know that I will never cry because of him and that there will be men in my life who will do just that and this puts him in a special place.

In February, when we used to chat every morning when I got up and he kept asking me about guys, if there was someone special in my life, íf I regretted anything, what I had been up to since we parted ways ... He is a friend, but a different kind of friend, a kind of friend I probably won't ever find again. He has a way of asking those questions very directly in a way that could be rude but that's not how I feel about it. I don't really feel any shame when talking about these things with him.

How can I be so totally over him, never have had any feelings beyond friendship, yet be so distraught about an email that I don't even want to read it? This is very strange because I would really like to talk to him about something that I am very unsure and that is bothering me but is also something I can't discuss with anyone else. It's something I should figure out myself, but I'm not sure if I can, at least not right now.
Nath hat eine Austauschpartnerin in Chile!!
(und die erste email, die diese ihr geschickt hat, gelöscht, weil sie sie für spam hielt).
Die Email wurde aber gerettet und beantwortet.
Vanessa hat einen männlichen Austauschpartner namens Johann. Nicht so toll wie Franz Heinrich, aber auch schon nett.
Meine heisst Daniela und nennt sich scheinbar Dani, wenn man aus ihrem MSNNamen und fotolog Schlüsse ziehen darf.
und sie würde währned sie bei mir ist gerne Schlittschuh laufen gehen.
sie klingt sehr nett und ihr detusch ist auch irgendwie süss mit ganz vielen kleinen Fehlern.
und nein, ich war nicht unhöflich genug, um in der ersten Email zu erwähnen, dass ich zu Júnior kann, wenn es bei ihr langweilig wird. Ich habe auch nciht gefragt, was ihre Meinung über Whisky ist.
Sie soll mciht nciht unfreundlich finden.
Jetzt hab ich doch WHisky erwähnt.

Eyes Open

Jan. 7th, 2007 12:05 am

My eye is a lot better. The swelling has gone down and now I can actually open my eye without felling any pain. Yesterday, it was a lot worse. Whenever I opened my eye, tears shot into is, it got really really wet and I got dizzy so that I had to close it.
Still, I don't think I will get away without being humiliated by Herr Damson on Monday. When I remembered that this would happen, I knew the worst part was far from over; I'm even dreading Monday although I really look forward to seeing Silly and telling her the great news, her reaction will be just amazing.
I just checked my eye again and I know for sure that I won't get away with it, there will be comments by Herr Damson. It feels totally normal to me, but when I look at it in the mirror I know it's so not normal. The eye is black and blue. 



Speaking of pictures, I have uploaded some new user pictures, some of which are actually photos of myself I deem goo enough to be shown around. Both were taken in Fortaleza. There's another one of me screaming that I considered uploading but I changed my mind because although it looks good (well, not good, "interesting" probably fits better), it reminds me too much of the She-Hulk pic I use as my default picture and I really don't want another one that looks like it. I have even considered tweaking it to look hulkish because it is just perfect for it.

The picture:



The story: It was New Year and I really, really didn't drink much (at least not at night), just a glass of whiskey with ice and two glasses of champagne. It was just the great music and the picture that was taken just in the right second, nothing more.

Anyways, it would fit perfectly as another She-Hulk pic, so should I ever be in the mood to do it, I will. Oh yeah, and that girl with the champagne bottle in her hand IS my sister and she IS 14 and that is champagne in the bottle. Any more questions about that should be forwarded to her, I don't know if I should be answering them.


Today was incredibly boring, how else should it have been? The last few days ever since December, 28th I have been partying, drinking and having fun. It was a great week in Fortaleza and I hope we can repeat all of this (maybe not the accidents like when Armando hit his head on the bridge in the pool, when my eye met my sister's knee or when Armando suddenly had a wound in the middle of his forehead and didn't know where it had come from) in February. I really hope we meet again then and party together for a week (yeah, I admit it, I also hope for another thing but this won't be mentioned here.
I still have to finish my "kinda-diary" entries in my notebook that I have started. There is this very important entry I have started but am not done with yet. It's about January, 3rd and everything that happened that day. Looking back, every day in Fortaleza, especially since December, 31st were very long and we did a huge amount of stuff like drinking, hanging around by the pool, going to the city or other places. God, I miss that so much. I want to go back to it. I wish we could have stayed in Fortaleza till January, 10th. I don't car about the days of school I would have missed, I don't care about anything, the time there was just amazing. I had so much fun and I was so uninhibited. 
It's also a bit complicated because here in Germany I can't just go and do the stuff we have done in Fortaleza, the German culture just doesn't allow it. Germany is praised for being a very liberal country that allows youth to do a whole lot of stuff, but the German mentality is just totally different and can't be compared to the Brazilian one.
Neither can the Brazilian music (that I enjoy) be compared to the German one (that I don't even know). On the Barufa, Guilio played some music on his laptop and told me it was by a German band, Kraftwerk, who I have actually already heard of although I can't remember what I heard of them. The Brazilian music is close to reality and even better, Chiclete com Banana and other axé or whatever bands connect to you. When Bell is on stage, you want to make out with people, you want to be close to them. When other people are on stage, you want to dance, not necessarily alone but with the people around you. I remember New Year when it was nearly 6am and Junior and I were standing in front of the stage and I was dancing, I wasn't tired and after this guy hit on me, Junior pulled me close and we danced. I didn't really know the dance, I didn't know the steps, but I enjoyed it. It didn't matter that we weren't dancing perfectly, it was just about the dancing, about feeling the other person. I wish I had kissed him that morning, but I didn't. He had told me about his girlfriend after all and after having made out with all of these guys, with some of them when he was looking, I didn't feel like kissing him would be the right thing.
I discovered that I'm not the good girl at all, that I'm very nasty. And I don't want to give up on being this was for anything in this world. It's just hard to be this way in Germany because of the people's mentality. When you are in some place in Germany and they play music and you dance and stuff, it just isn't normal to be approached by men in the same way it is in Brazil. You can't just walk towards a girl, pull her close and hope she will kiss you.

 

[Error: unknown template 'video']
I’m back.
There’s not much to tell, at least not much I want to tell everybody. I’ll upload some photos later.
Fortaleza was a blast. It’s a beautiful city and the people we met there contributed to the great time we had (hopefully we made their trip an interesting one as well).
We wanted to stay from December, 28th to January, 1st but then ended up leaving on January, 3rd only not to catch the flight and had to (yeah, we loved to do it, so had to isn’t the right expression) spend another night at the hotel.
New Year was AMAZING!! I loved everything we did. Embarassingly enough I had to find out that you can dance very well to funk (don’t ask) and before that I became a fan of Fall Out Boy without ever having heard a song by them (don’t ask about that either).
I had a little accident that wasn’t so small (my sister’s knee is very hard) but my eye which was hit didn’t need stitches. At least that’s what Armando said and in the end we discovered he was completely right. I might do a moderate rehash of what happened in Fortaleza. There are enough photos and videos to create a new tag.
Gotta be going, I’m meeting Ali and Marion.

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